Wouldn’t it be great to just be fat? If no one was there to judge you for it, if your husband or boyfriend truly didn’t care one way or another, if the world catered to whatever size you happened to be on any given day without making you feel bad, guilty and self conscious. If you could just eat whatever the hell you wanted and go to happy hour and drink every night instead of going to your workout class. No pressure to look any kind of way, no need to leave your comfort zone, and all the chips and queso your heart desires! Wouldn’t that be great?
If you’re shouting yes in your head, try it out. Don’t work out, don’t monitor your eating and do whatever feels comfortable. See how you feel. If you love it, keep yourself there. Read books and articles that reinforce and validate your choice when you start to feel uneasy (google Big is Beautiful, you’ll find plenty). I encourage you keep it up and refrain from changing your ways because you actually don’t have a compelling enough reason to.
Here is a list of reasons people-especially women-decide to work out and eat healthy:
1. To look better
2. To feel good about themselves
3. To feel included
4. To be healthy
5. Because their doctor told them it’s mandatory
None of these reasons are strong enough to motivate you to work out and eat clean every day. You’ll forget every one of these reasons the minute your body is sore and the alarm clock rings at 6 am and you have the choice to sleep in or go work out. You will choose your comfort zone 80% of the time, and the 20% you don’t will go to waste because 20% effort yields 0% success.
The only reason compelling enough to make you stick with something is your standard for yourself.
Achieving weight loss, being fit and healthy has little to do with who accepts you. No matter who you are or what you look like, there will always be people who accept you and those who don’t. Being in shape won’t change that.
It doesn’t have to do with feeling obligated to change your ways. Obligation fosters guilt, anger, rebellion and fatalism, which is why smokers dying of lung cancer continue smoking until they die.
If you believe you’ll feel confident once you lose weight, you’re mistaken. Confidence doesn’t come from looks, and the little that does won’t take you far.
Your standard for yourself is the deciding factor in whether you’ll succeed. Your standard is basically your identity: who you believe yourself to be at your core despite current circumstances. An entrepreneur starting a company, for example, may have little to live on when he starts, but he doesn’t identify with being poor. He will become wealthy because that is his standard and his true identity. A woman who is overweight won’t stay that way if she believes she’s better than that.
To pinpoint what your standard is, ask yourself what you connect with. If you are currently overweight, do you connect with that image of yourself or do you know without a shadow of a doubt that you are a thin, fit woman inside?
That standard-your identity-is what drives you everyday. It’s in your subconscious, making every choice for you. You have to set your standard first and align yourself with it before you take your first step toward your goal. Use the power of visualization to do this. If you have trouble seeing yourself any differently than your current reflection in the mirror, surround yourself with images of women who embody your ideal and see yourself AS them. It may be challenging at first because we naturally have an us and them mentality, but eventually your mind will begin to see no difference between you and your ideal. You will be aligned with that which you set your mind to, essentially.
Then, you will be pulled rather than pushed toward working out and eating clean. And once that happens, the physical transformation is just a matter of time. And then one day, you will become someone else’s standard.
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